Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
