I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
