It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
