i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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