I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
