Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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