I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize