i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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