it was like eating out sand paper
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
