I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
