the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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