Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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