it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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