Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
