There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
