dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
