idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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