I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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