They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
