Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
