she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
