Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
