I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
