Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
