I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
