Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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