my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
