I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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