My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
