Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
