fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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