my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize