she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
