I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
