I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
