Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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