I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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