so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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