I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
