Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
