we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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