dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
