Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
