do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
