fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
