Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
