Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
