you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
