Do you still have your period?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
