If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
