Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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