the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i will never coherently bang her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
