i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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