Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
