you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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