I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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