My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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