So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize