You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
