why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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