I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
