I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
