My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
