I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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