I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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