this beer tastes like vomit already
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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