my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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