It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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